Yikes!

A full month between posts! Where have I been? What have I been doing? None of your business.

We're Jammin'

"Ooh, yeah; well, alright
We're jammin' I wanna jam it with you
We're jammin', jammin'
And I hope you like jammin' too
Ain't no rules, ain't no vow
We can do it anyhow
I and I will see you through'
Cause every day we pay the price
We are the living sacrifice
Jammin' till the jam is through"

I have decreed that a new name be given to a copy machine at my work. From this day forward it will be known as "Bob Marley". No copier is more deserving of this title than the I one I have the privilege of working with.

Rules? What rules?

The Outback steakhouse uses the slogan "no rules, just right." Whoever came up with that slogan is a genius. No truer is their slogan than with the dessert menu item Sydney's Sinful Sundae. The description goes like this: 'Ava go at it. Vanilla ice cream rolled in toasted coconut, covered in chocolate sauce and topped with whipped cream. That's it. Simple enough. A good ol' fashioned sundae, Aussie style. But! There is one glaring omission from the description. What is it that sits atop the sundae? A cherry right? Because everyone knows the rule about a cherry being at the top of any sundae otherwise it wouldn't be a sundae. Right? Wrong! Enter their slogan. In place of that cherry sits a chilled, sliced strawberry. Strawberry!?!? Yep, and it's perfect. Kudos Outback, kudos.

Shocking Revelation

There are many things that come along with the holiday season that I truly enjoy. For one, the weather changes. It starts turning cold and the jeans and sweatshirts get moved to the front of the closet. I think the weather has finally changed for good here in Texas. It was almost 90 just last week and its November! That's not right. Its not the same around Thanksgiving and Christmas if the air isn't crisp and cold. As much as I like the colder weather, there's something that comes with it that I like almost as much: static electricity! In some twisted way static brings a smile to my face. At my office especially. It's a giant building with lots of metal and technology bits and pieces so the current is strong. Our cube walls look harmless enough but under that fancy patterned cloth exterior lies a metal grid that packs a pretty good bite. Every time I get up and walk away, I'll reach out to touch a cube wall along the way hoping for a jolt. I usually get one, too. Sometimes I'll go for another one after a few more steps. There are times you'll get a nice little present when you're not expecting it; getting change back from the cashier, brushing past someone in the hallway, grabbing a door handle, and the list goes on. There's one place I know I can go for the "mother of all jolts" - the ice/water machine in the break area. Not only is it 4 cubed feet of mega-conducting metal and water, it's plugged in to an electrical outlet! Zow-wee, that thing will zing you up to your elbow. I make sure I drink my daily recommended 8 - 10 cups of water a day. If it weren't for that, I would probably mainly drink Texas' other natural resource, Dr. Pepper. Of which, I drink plenty.

The "Uuuumm" Game

In Texas, the (non)word "uuuuumm" is considred legitimate lexicon. It's quite possibly the most annoying sound one can make subconsciously. If ever I were to start counting the times I heard this in a day, I'm sure I'd run out of numbers. Now, I'm positive I've fallen prey to this most popular space filler at times. Since I've been highly sensitive to this lately, I've made a conscious effort to police my speech and do my best to rid myself of this menace to the eardrum. I'm sure you've all heard someone use it but if you've never heard someone from Texas use it, you're in for a treat. It's higher pitched than normal speech and it's got that famous Texas flare where it's drawn out plenty long and used about every three or four words. So, uuumm c'mon dow'nta Tayxses and uuumm see if ya cain't find someone who uuumm uses it more than they uuumm should. I really do love it here in Texas, I've lived here longer than anywhere else. I just don't like to hear that droning "uuuuuuuuummmmm" all the time. So, uuumm, I guess I'll head off to uuumm work now. Uuumm, later.

The Trouble With Toupees

I worked as a bouncer one summer at this local hot spot basically getting paid to hang out with all my friends. Occasionally, I would earn my pay and throw someone out or break up a fight. This one night I remember quite vividly. Word spread quickly to the bouncers that there was a fight in the back parking lot. I arrived to find a small crowd of folks gathered around someone laying on the ground. We cleared the people away that were not involved and tried to get the details of what happened to this man on the ground. He was out cold, flat on his back, arms and legs stretched out as if he was making a snow angel. In examining his condition, something caught my eye that really freaked me out. The top of his head had been peeled back from when it hit the ground. Exposing the red tinged skin underneath and connected only by a small piece at the back of his head. This flap of scalp and hair was laying on the asphalt! I was really worried because this guy was in serious need of medical attention. That is, until I got up close for a better look. "That's a toupee!" I said to myself and started to laugh. The red color I saw was the satin like under-cloth of the toupee. Now, to my point about the trouble with toupees. Here's a guy, drunk, knocked out from a fight, flat on his back in a parking lot, and I'm laughing because of his toupee. That is the trouble with toupees. When you see one, you can't help but laugh. No matter what. They're funny.

Butter Cheese

Find the nearest Hungry Howie's and get your pizza with the butter cheese crust. I didn't know HH still existed but one recently opened near me. I lived on this stuff in college. They have other flavors as well but the BC is my favorite.

Who (what) am I?

So, what do I look like? Well, just take some components from each of these guys to the right and you've got a pretty good idea of what I look like. Of course, I won't tell you which parts to use.

Blank

It's only my second post and already I have nothing to say.

Is this thing on?

My very first blog. How special must I feel? Quite.